This would feel like the middle of a beautiful friendship if I wasn’t explaining where I’ve been – again and this might take a good few lines.
See, I know I didn’t say goodbye, I do that, I’m sorry. Ask people who use to know me. I just drop off the face of the earth sometimes.
There are available excuses of personal and professional natures and although I’m not interested in excuses today, it’s all I’ve got.
It’s been the best and worst of times. On paper, one of the best summers of my life but I let myself get all tangled up in yesterday knots.
Sometimes I’m wound so tight I feel like I’m going to explode and all the damaged little bits of my brain would decorate my dusty walls.
But I don’t because I have friends with knots of their own and we’re getting good at untying each other before the fall.
So yeah I lost my job and with it my last chance at a lost love but I think that’s for the best in the end.
Do I ever get lonely? Sure, but I need the time alone to figure out why I fall in love alone or just depend
On the next nutcase, next stupid story for the pub. I’m funny with pint sure but I need to learn how to love myself, learn to be brave.
Learn how to handle disappoint in myself, in people I love or loved and in the world I so wanted to save.
Because I’m not that little kid anymore, wish-maker, superhero in waiting and feeling cold standing in the sun.
So bring on the concerts, the long nights, the fights, the boys, the girls and the joy. I’ll fuck up so much more before I’m done.
And it’s going to be fantastic.
Much love and gratitude for your patience and sticking with me. Coming soon: transphobia in Greece and returning to Istanbul
Orla ní Dhúill 